despair and touching moments hit me at once

恵比寿にて。とある展示に行った。
感動した。そして同時に絶望した。
感動と絶望は。時に一緒にやってくるんだと知った。
哀しさのあまり少し泣いた。
だけど。少ししか泣けないくらい、それは本当に哀しかった。

IKEA

i was very very very happy IKEA is in japan with me.
this feeling is much more comfortable and happier than
the feeling when i meet japanese food in foreign country.
im happy to meet IKEA stuff here in japan....
to feel more home in japan!
anyway. that was strange to be in IKEA shop
only with japanese people around..... yes i know i'm also japanese though....

イケアに行った。遠くて大変だけど。
安心な大好きがいっぱい。うれしい。
英語だと。今までずっとアイキアって言ってたから。
いまだにアイキアって言ってしまう。
でも。オリジナル国のスウェーデンをはじめ、
他のどの国もイケアって呼んでるのに。

losing the plot and hiding in toilets.

nothing monster hit me or rather
that is negative monster this time.
this negative monster is very scareing me.
this negative ness is very similar with gravitation. collapse.

i have to say.
i am increadiblly weakened.
im not saying i am weak. maybe....not. or i don't know.
but at least now i am really weakened.
and fuckin negative. this is really shit.

but i don't want to be real shit.
so i will try to go flying with shining power later.
yes later. but maybe not now.
and i don't know when. but later definitly.
i haven't given up. i'm still hanging..... later later.....
am i ? yes???

im not confused.
rather very calm.
but this calm ness is more than boring.
this is despair. d e s p a i r.

重力が。人の心を地の底まで引きずり込む。

dead silency anger

h e l p m e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e s a v e m e e e e e e e
i d o n t k n o w w h a t i c a n d o b u t s h o u t i n g h e l p m e . . .
i d o n t k n o w w h a t i w a n t t o b e h e l p e d o r h o w o r b y w h o . . .
i j u s t w a n t t o b e s a v e d m e f r o m h e r e . . .
i c a n t a c c e p t m y s e l f n o w . . .

分かっているのは。受入れる事ができないってこと。こんな自分を。